Sunday, December 23, 2012

Angry... again.

I feel horrible right now. I feel fucking HUGE. This past week, I was doing so well (wasn't I?). I ate so much this weekend. I went out for lunch with a friend yesterday and ate a bratwurst and fries. Today I had a full carne asada meal and leftover Thai for dinner. Also about three chocolates throughout the day. Well, I stepped on the scale tonight. I don't know what I was expecting. I'd gained a pound.

A POUND.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but it makes me feel ENORMOUS. And angry. Why can't I just keep my fucking mouth shut? Why can't I stop myself from gorging on food? Why can't my gut just deflate itself, my thighs shrink, my chin fat melt away... I feel so ugly. I wish I could grab a cleaver and chop off my disgusting, round, mushy, dimpled love handles. I want to die.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE SMALL AND BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT??

I'm sticking a paper bag over my head and never going back outside.

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