I'm almost tempted to delete my earlier posts because my feelings have changed so much, but I think it's important to keep some kind of record of my temperaments. I don't know.
Maybe it was the seperation and self-isolation that made me feel that way. Either way, he's back now and I'm really glad he is. I forgot how stable I feel when I'm around him. It's saddening being around him because of how harsh my thoughts have been towards him and it's hard for me to forgive myself for that. I feel terrible. All he's ever wanted is to make me happy and make me feel special. I wish I could do the same for him, because he deserves it more than I do. I'm going to try, though. I'm going to put as much energy into this as I can. He has become a really integral part of my being that is hard to ignore and that would take something very...significant for me to remove. I'm not even sure what. If he cheated on me I guess.
I don't know where I'm going with this. It's just how I feel NOW. And as long as he didn't sense the way I felt before, I guess it doesn't really matter. Only J knows, but she understands... and moves past. I'll have to talk with her about it soon, though, and assure her my feelings have changed. Just in case something slips, or maybe she thinks me a hypocrite. What does it matter.
Anyway, I've finally broken 120. I was really happy when it happened, it's been so long since I've been under that stupid number. I was looking at some measurements I wrote down around the beginning of summer and I've actually shrunk quite a bit! It took a while, but once I disciplined myself it was easy..ish.
3.5 inches were lost from my upper waist
5.5 inches from my lower waistt
2 inches from my thighs
3.5 from my hips
and half an inch around my upper arms
It's progress, and it's very encouraging to see it on a long-term scale like that, rather than half an inch in 2 weeks or something.
I actually woke up with a sore throat this morning so that was a good excuse to consume only mass amounts of tea and a small bowl of soup. I admit I binged on a bagel and toast with Nutella about an hour ago, but that's been taken care of. So hopefully tomorrow is just as good. I'm still exercising tonight, or as much as I can. Maybe by Monday I'll have the coveted gap!! It's so close.
Until then, here are some pictures:
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