Self Indulgence

It's been a really long time since I've used a blogging platform (outside of tumblr). I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by doing this, or if I'll keep it up for very long. I can at least say why I'm doing this. To reach an ideal. To attain some sort of happiness, contentment, even a simple satisfaction. To lose weight.

I've been self-destructive all my life, it seems. I hold secrets that eat away at me and when I feel I almost have the courage to share with somebody, I pull away so fast, pushing the other so far that sometimes I lose them forever. But I get over it, eventually. And I move onto the next victim, seducing them, manipulating, coercing, and abandoning. I am a succubus. A different kind of whore.

This blog is to be incredibly self-indulgent. I will be posting pictures of my body because I hate it. I want to look at it every second of the day to remind myself how repulsive it is and hopefully push myself into rectifying everything that is wrong with it. If I can't be perfect on the inside, you're damn well sure I will be on the outside. I'll be posting my eating habits to ensure further motivation. Weights, measurements, scars, burns, stains...

I also want to talk about the "social" aspect of my life. Mainly, my partner. I feel the end of us nearing quickly and it's a bit stress-relieving to let out my griefs about it somewhere.

Hopefully I'll find a community of like-minded people to engage with. That'd be comforting, right? I'll probably annoy a lot of people, but that's typical. The title of this post kind of says it all. I'm not trying to impress anyone or help anyone or offer anything other than pure, shameless self-indulgence. It's a fucking blog.

So here are some pictures of the current state of my body. It's horrific, I know. Trust me, I know better than anyone.

CW: 125
HW: 137
LW: 110
UGW: 90

Let's see how this turns out.