Haven't been on here in a few days. I think the last half of this past week I was just too exhausted by my anxiety and destructive thoughts that I needed to take a break. I tried to be healthy. I ate well-balanced meals throughout the day, but no matter how much green was on the plate I still felt annoyingly guilty.
I downloaded a new iPhone app; it's called The Eatery. Basically, you photograph every meal you eat and others will rate it on a scale of "fit" to "fat". It's sort of dumb, but what it does achieve is to make me feel either empowered or ashamed by my choices. I'll photograph a bagel and it'll get 14 "fat" ratings before I can take a bite...so I don't. Like I said, stupid. But somehow I see it as helpful.
I made fish tacos today. Ate two. Got a tall mocha lite frap at Starbucks. Had about 4 sips and gave the rest to my brother. Not eating anymore. I never want to eat again, but I always say that.
I wore my middle school jeans today. Still felt fat.
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